Bewildered senior airman learns he is new acting Secretary of Defense

Senior Airmen modified into Performing Protection Secretary Davis McDaniels stares at a stable computer and silently wonders how he’ll ever be ready to envision Fb now in the end of working hours.

By W.E. Linde

JOINT BASE ANDREWS, Va. — After a tumultuous week of high-profile resignations from the Trump Administration and the withdrawal of the Field of starting effect Security nominee, Air Drive Senior Airman Davis McDaniels changed into startled when, upon reporting to work at the 316th Security Forces Squadron, he changed into notified that he had been appointed the Performing Secretary of Protection, sources confirmed at the unique time.

“I don’t know what came about,” stated the bewildered Protection Secretary in the end of a press convention within the Pentagon briefing room. “I wakened gradual this morning and so I changed into humping it to are attempting to bag to guard mount on time. I ran interior the squadron building so speedily that I didn’t even sight that someone had known as the room to attention.”

His commander, Lt. Col. Andrea Coleman, changed into also taken off guard by the news.

“I purchased a call this morning from the Pentagon telling me to quiz particular orders for Airman McDaniels,” she stated. “I asked if it changed into connected to his drawing a phallus using a eternal marker on his roommate’s face two weeks within the past because we had already regarded after that. After a moment of silence, they stated ‘no, lovely…present him to call after he gets the orders.’”

The courier with McDaniels’ orders changed into ready for him when he finally arrived at work. After a hurried swearing-in ceremony, the newly-minted appearing defense secretary changed into left sitting at his shared cubicle, sweating and swearing.


Pentagon spokesman Jonathon Hoffman tried to present how and why the unique Protection Secretary changed into chosen.

“I guess so many folks are leaving the Administration that there changed into confusion as as to whether or no longer [Acting Secretary of Defense Christopher] Miller changed into mute round,” stated Hoffman. “Particularly since he launched that letter condemning the attack on the Capitol building, and announcing he changed into willing to terminate a aloof transition to Biden.”

Officials stated it gave the affect prudent to accept every other individual lined up on the off likelihood the president regains bag admission to to his Twitter yarn and fires any individual.

“After dozens of mobile phone calls pleading with folks, some of us decided to are attempting to fling up the leak, and one device or the other Airman McDaniels…I suggest, Secretary McDaniels… changed into on a personnel roster or one thing that obtained within the spoiled arms at the proper time,” Hoffman stated.

McDaniels admitted to having no concept what his unique tasks are.

“Is that this fancy an further obligation?” he asked. “I’m already the SNACKO (snack officer), and that takes me an hour every morning and two hours on Monday after I truly accept to restock. How am I going to bag that and lead the total U.S. military?”

After an hour or so of reflecting on his unique residing, McDaniels made a plea.

“Can I commerce this for one thing else?” he asked.  “I’ll purchase piss test video show, one thing else. But right here’s a career killer.”  

At press time, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Workers Gen. Ticket Milley announced he changed into making ready to fulfill with McDaniels proper after the unique defense secretary accomplished scrubbing the latrines.  

W.E. Linde writes loads. Veteran military intelligence officer, newbie historian, blogger/author at Strives to be a satirist, nonetheless doubtlessly lovely sarcastic.

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