DoD adopts new ‘Winning Isn’t Everything’ motto

By Cat Astronaut

THE PENTAGON — After many years of wars in which decisive victory and a coherent purpose were in general elusive, the Department of Defense announced it has adopted a original motto: “Winning Isn’t Everything.”

“Transferring forward, it’s crucial for us to lift a see at and catch pleasure from the approach, in would favor to focal point on the tip results of world war,” Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin acknowledged at a Pentagon press conference. “You glean some, you lose some. At the tip of the day, we can scuttle dwelling with our heads held excessive luminous that now not decrease than we tried.”

Navy leaders from every branch of provider were speedy to state their support for the motto.

“In most cases if you’re cruisin’ down that motorway that is war, you perfect gotta lean wait on, feel the wind on your excessive and tight, and lift a see at to catch pleasure from the budge,” acknowledged Chairman of the Joint Chiefs Gen. Price Milley. “It’s now not in regards to the vacation pronounce, it’s in regards to the lag, man. That’s what this original motto plan to me.”


The direction to rising the motto wasn’t a easy one: The Pentagon funded a 10-twelve months glimpse and experimented with moderately a few obviously doomed systems to refine it. 

But in the tip, it changed into a handful of self-support blogs and 1990s sports activities dramas that pleased Pentagon leadership that the U.S. defense force’s only direction changed into to kill stressing about successful, and delivery focusing on living. 

“There’s no motive we shouldn’t be ready to blow every other to smithereens out on the battlefield then shake hands and like a beer in a while,” acknowledged Austin. “That’s perfect appropriate sportsmanship.”

Navy leaders furthermore celebrated that glean or lose, we all learned some crucial classes.

And as adversarial to a couple hundred thousand casualties on both aspect, “we’ll all are living to fight one other day.”

“No topic who comes out on top,” acknowledged Austin, “we ought to all be ready to gape our world hegemony crumple luminous that we did our only.” 

Cat Astronaut is a demobilized cellular infantryman and the creator of Ye Olde Tyme News.

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