Pentagon insists US military will only interfere in foreign elections

By Addison Blu

As President Donald Trump continues to falsely inform he obtained the 2020 presidential election, wary Pentagon officials insisted on Monday that this yr the U.S. military would handiest intervene in international elections.

“It’d be spoiled to exercise our troops in a space where the legislation and the democratic job is already ample,” acknowledged Pentagon spokesman Jonathan Hoffman. “Unless this used to be going on anyplace else on Earth, in which case we’d be ‘spreading democracy’ there, like, the outdated day,” Hoffman added whereas making finger pistols and shooting from the hip.

“We are able to’t exercise military energy to endorse a inform regime,” acknowledged Gen. James C. McConville for the length of a Sunday speech at the disclosing of the Without end Wars Veterans Memorial in Washington.

“This isn’t Panama, Honduras, Cuba, Nicaragua, Mexico, Haiti, the Dominican Republic, Russia, Japan, Germany, Italy, South Korea, China, Greece, Costa Rica, Albania, Syria,” acknowledged McConville, stopping for a moment to stretch and interact a sip of water, adding: “Burma, Egypt, Iran, Guatemala, Paraguay, Indonesia, Lebanon, South Vietnam, Iraq, Laos, Brazil, Chile, Cambodia, Bolivia, Uruguay, Ethiopia, Angola, Zaire, Afghanistan, El Salvador, Chad, Grenada, Yugoslavia, Venezuela, Libya, or Yemen.”

The transition from a Trump administration to a Biden administration has been bumpy. Starting delays, surprising pauses, and hours-prolonged smoke breaks from the Trump group occupy made all of it nonetheless determined that they’re holding out for any likelihood of changing the election results, despite the reality that defense officials express such costs.

“I completely occupy to transition energy,” acknowledged performing Protection Secretary Christopher Miller in a latest text message to Biden transition officials. “Nonetheless I actually occupy household over for the following couple weeks, after which I’ve obtained to occupy interplay my automobile into the shop the week after. Per chance we would possibly also attain it after that, if ur now not busy?”

Restful, experts express People would possibly also silent now not difficulty about an unpredictable salubrious-flit strongman accountable of the very finest military on earth who refuses to concede an election he lost at the pollfield and within the courts.

“Fine, the Trump group is silent technically accountable of the military and legislation enforcement and would possibly be the usage of delays to insulate its group from resistance to a coup,” acknowledged Dr. Designate Gershovitz, professor of political science at Columbia College. “Nonetheless they wouldn’t interact the threat. If they are attempting to fail, how would that study about on their résumés?”

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F-35 blows Novel Year’s decision, features $25 billion

By Jack S. McQuack on Jan. 1, 2016

LANCASTER, Calif. — The F-35 is experiencing yet one more setback in style after reportedly blowing its Novel Year’s decision of “shedding a couple billion bucks” in honest the most predominant few days of the calendar yr.

Joining virtually 92% of People who fail to attain their Novel Year’s decision, the F-35 used to be reportedly found out on my own in a darkish hangar at the far discontinue of an Edwards Air Power Atrocious runway gorging itself on taxpayer bucks in soundless shame.

“Ever since it lost the dogfight to the 1970’s generation F-16, the F-35 has been actually uncomfortable,” acknowledged Air Power spokesman Lt. Col. Jerry Baskin. “We now occupy got been telling the F-35 that it used to be on anecdote of it used to be now not wearing its ‘stealth coating,’ nonetheless deep down it knew it used to be attributable to its over-sized engine nozzle.”

Whereas the records comes as a shock to chums and colleagues, those shut to the program ought to now not vastly stunned. Navy test pilot Lt. Ben Robbins, who now flies an EA-18G Growler after his F-35C obtained a whopping $64 million in 2015, is now not vastly stunned the least bit.

“Yeah, yeah — I actually occupy heard all of it sooner than,” acknowledged Robbins. “‘That is the yr the F-35 is going to toughen its turn radius and expose bullies around the field that it is far definitely price the $1.5 trillion greenback mark label. No matter.”

“Lockheed instrument developers occupy so that you simply can add a Atomize Watchers app for the length of the following update,” he added. “This is rarely She’s All That.”

After its most latest relapse, rather a few health experts and aerospace engineers occupy equipped their products and services pro bono to serve the F-35 overcome its demons. Dr. Lisa Belle, a licensed psychotherapist who makes a speciality of binge consumption, suggests radical interpersonal psychotherapy to dwelling the F-35’s key enablers.

“Besides letting the F-35 fail and overcome at any time when it faces a design back or Congressional evaluate, the Division of Protection jumps salubrious in and comforts it with extra money,” Belle told Duffel Blog. “The F-35 feels as despite the reality that it is far handiest around attributable to a couple executive sunk-fee fallacy and, attributable to the ‘too tall to fail’ feedback, now suffers from program dysmorphic dysfunction.”

The decision to motion by a group of experts is coming lawful in time, as the Joint Strike Fighter program is being delayed by various years. Primarily based mostly on officials at the Pentagon, the F-35 has locked itself in its maintenance bay with $163 billion appropriated for the VA, refusing to come out except the executive pays for its surgical treatment to assemble it an F-22.

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